The title of this blog should be my none starter of a weight loss journey

I can't believe we've nearly finished the 5th month of the year and I'm still "starting" my healthy diet to lose weight and become fit and healthy!!!!

I worked it out that if I'd have lost 2lbs every week for the weeks I was suppose to be starting it my weight today would be less then 14 stones, how happy would I be with this achievement, VERY happy, however, I'm still the same starting weight I was on the first of January, although I've drop a stone and then put it back on again, its a blooming nightmare.

So, here we are again, I'm not even sure why anyone would want to read a blog of someone failing every single day, and that is what I do, I wake up asking myself how, today, am I going to lose weight and on the night think, again another FAIL!

I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be, I don't want to fail, I want to lose weight, I think the problem is that the amount of weight loss I need is so large that I can't see the end of the journey, so if there is no end what is the point in beginning it, then I look at the kids running around and think I would be a better Mum, Wife and housewife to this family even if it was just a few stones.

Whilst typing this I realised that this is the point, if I look at a small goal maybe then I will lose the weight, oh but I've done that already and still I don't seem to succeed.

I'll be honest, I'm very depressed about the whole situation, which makes me eat and then I'm unhappy cos I've eaten so again I eat and eat and eat till I feel like I'm going to explode and then I get really angry and the process starts all over again, I go to bed every night and have done for a long time now with stomachache, whats that all about.

Well I'm going to now say that tomorrow, the 21st May 2011 is going to be the final time that I say this is day one, I've joined an online slimming club that has brilliant results I know this cos some very good friends are slim using this diet, I'm going to do this, not for the kids or Phil or even the people reading this failure of a blog, but for little (or big haha) me, I want to be able to pick items up off the floor, which I can't, I want to be able to run around the garden, I want to look great in a pair of jeans and I want to feel confident when new families come to visit instead of feeling "how can I look after your children when I can't look after myself"

Wish me luck, I will need it and I'm going to wish for willpower as this is what I need

xx